o heayow

how do you guys coping?

everyone has different coping mechanisms, I guess

me? I think I’m doin alright, so far. I read more books, and learn a few things that had been procrastinated quite a while, finally have time (strong will) and energy to do it.

people might think that I am a really social person, the truth is, I struggle with any(or every) situation that needs a large range of social skills. I won’t say that I’m a socially awkward person, I do alright with socializing, I can talk, and think I have quite a decent sense of humor, I understand social cues, I can read the room, but it really exhausts me to be around many people for a long period of time.

and no, babe, I’m not an Introvert.

it just, uhm… how should I put this right… as I’m getting older, I treasure my time more and more, and no more obligatory social activity. no thanks.


I like my me time, but I would like to take my alone activity outdoors without a mask, please.

I wish all the microbiologist have all the support they need to make the vaccine that can make the situation be much better, I hope that many people will come to theirs senses and take physical distancing seriously, 

oh, please use mask.

Oh, and please don’t be a f-in a** by keep going on vacay and partying… please. you can update your instagram content later when this harsh situation gets better, okay? 


well hello again after a really long time
today is August 8th 2020, and it’s kinda weird time to live, I mean 2020 in general. we’re in the middle of covid-19 pandemic, seriously, a pandemic, I won’t explain it in detail about the pandemic, not that I perfectly understand it anyway, well, just do yourself a favor and read articles about it, and please read it from multiple sources, make sure you read the legitimate paper or unbiased article. I know it’s hard, I myself still digging it through by the way, like a maniac. I read articles and sometimes public paper which I barely understand, hey I don’t have any medical degree background to back me up to understand those stuff. well. I eager to learn it and I don’t want to be really foolishly fooled because of my ignorance about what’s happening, so…

it’s weird.
I keep telling my mom to stay calm and collected and try to live her life like usual, but with precaution of course. I tell my friends to not to take it like heavily, we only need to keep alert,not too vigilant, but aware of our surrounding. I keep telling everyone I know to chin up and hope for the best.

If I can tell them honestly what I’ve been feeling these days, it feels like living in a constant danger, I miss my mom like crazy, but I can’t meet her because I’m living in Jakarta, which has the most cases of covid-19. I feel like my days are numbered. If I talk about this to an actual person, they just probably say that I’m overstressed, I’m panicking, and those kinda stuff

it’s weird
in this hard time, I feel like I see the worst in a lot of people.

“is it a movie? or am I just having a long nightmare?
it’s happening, it’s real, get up and collect yourself.”

that’s pretty much the repeated dialogue every time I open a news site to check on the updated number of covid-19 case in the country

I see that a lot of people have quite a bold coping mechanism regarding this situation. and me? I don’t know how to cope with this. with confusion? denial? acceptance? hope? skeptic?

people say that it’s better to see it in a realistic way. but how? I don’t have enough knowledge to see it realistically, I mean, I don’t know


udah lebih dari setaun ga ngantor, so how does it feel? sesungguhnya pewe banget sih, sempet kangen kemarin-kemarin, tapi setelah hit the sudirman road on the weekday while the sun still up, owh Mannnnnn, I was like “this is 1/16 of the reason i just want to call it quit”


masih inget sama cita-cita jadi penulis, I tried, I swear, tapi gila mentoknya ga kira-kira, kebiasaan waktu kerja, udah ada to-do list apa aja yan harus di-research, apa aja yg harus dikerjain, keliatan masalah yg bakalan dihadapin apaan, udah bisa prediksi konflik di kantor kira-kira gimana.

dulu sempet bilang bahwa penghalang gabisa nulis panjang adalah list kerjaan yang super demanding, tapi setelah resign, ternyata masih mentok juga. sh*t


So I was having a really different routine lately, not going to office any longer, but went to eine Sprachkurs instead. It was fun, I’ve met a lotta different and exciting people, and too, they were kind. Loving them so much, a few people will fly to Deutschland first than another, but we’re still keeping in touch, because we’re friends, even without us knowing. I don’t realise myself that I slightly attached with each of them , I was like… wow we’re friends! woof woof!

Thank you, Freunde! Will miss you a lot, please please stay in touch,

you guys are amazing!

(not a) Vampire

Hampir tiga bulan pengangguran! Never thought I’ll enjoy it this much. Beneran gak pernah merasa bosen, karna tetep ada kegiatan sih, macam les, nulis, dll.

Gak berangkat ke kantor somehow bikin kangen, kangen meeting, kangen tenggelam di dunia IT Jakarta yang gosipnya banyak banget, kangen merindukan makan siang, kangen gak perlu mikirin apa yang harus dilakukan hari ini, karna kalau lagi kerja, permasalahannya ada banyak, thus made me thinking of what should I do for tomorrow, jadi gak pernah bingung harus ngapain untuk membangun diri sendiri, kangen juga sama jalan Sudirman yang macet parah.

Belajar menulis bukan hal yang mudah, apalagi komitmen untuk menulis cerita panjang, kyaaaaaa, hal tersulit di sini adalah disiplin, disiplin, dan disiplin. Belum lagi punya suami yang juga doyan baca, rasanya jadi minder kalau tulisan di review, hehe. Lama banget gak nulis, somehow jadi mulai lagi dari awal untuk mengumpulkan Mojo yang sempet terlupa, so wish me luck. 

Anyway, kemarin waktu di Goethe, ada anak Goethe (yah lupa namanya) yang nanyain ke diriku dong “Cici Masih SMA atau udah Kuliah?”

I know right!

I look a lot younger than the actual anak Kuliah jaman sekarang (lah PD). hahaha I was thanking her for the compliment, and then I hugged her.

Kemudian ngobrol lah sama suami, I was so proud saying that I look so young and made me curious if I’m a Vampire that never gets old! Eh kamudian suami bilang gini:

“Emang ada Vampir yang Ndut?”

ngegosip mahal

kaki ini pegel sekali. 1 oktober kemarin abis ikutan “Colour Run” 5km. iya. yang ceritanya lari 5km terus dilemparin tepung jagung berwarna.

dulu gue adalah salah satu manusia yang bilang “Masa Lari aja bayar? siapa sih yang mau?” dan ternyata gue jadi salah satu orang yang bayar 240k buat lari 5km. Sempet mikir it’s such a waste of money sih pas mau daftar, tapi ternyata racepack nya lumayan, dapet kaos + kacamata (selebihnya ga reusable).

gue pun musti bersyukur karna ternyata masih dikaruniai temen gak waras d dunia ini yang mau diajakin bayar buat lari. hehe, temen dari SMA, namanya Tyas ama Bekti, kalau ga sama mereka mungkin boring kali.

pas daftar sih niat banget dalam hati ini (cciyeh) mau lari, tapi pas hari H, agaknya niatnya mulai menyusut, dari yg pengen olahraga, jadi beralih ke Gosip! hahahaha, jadi lah ajang “Lari” itu jadi ajang jalan kaki sambil nge gosip dan dapet medali. warbyasa lah.

gue termasuk yg payah sih, padahal cuman jalan sambil nge gosip, tapi kok rasanya 5km jahuh juga yahhhhh, baru jalan bentara, gue nanya ke etmen gue

” ini udah satu kilo belom yah”

“ini udah setengahnya belom yah”

“gaes, masa ada yang nge bubur sih kan belum finish” (padahal pengen)

“gaes, dapet minum haratis gaes”

color run seru sih, bikin bangun pagi, loncat2 pas finish (plus foto2), ketawa gara2 ada yg pake rok balerina yang membuat gue berpikir ulang… ini acara lari atau lagi comic con? foto-foto, panas-panasan, ngeliatain couple yg ikutan color run terus mereka cium-cium pas foto, agak geli sih liatnya, tapi gue tetep liatin karna gue mah kepoan. wkwkwkwk

dan, the Gossip was totaly worth it, hahahah (salah fokus)


So today is literally a week after my last day from a previous company, yes, I am having a sabbatical, yes I’ve mentioned it in my previous post 😀

I am taking it because of reasons, and my husband convince me that I deserve it since I’ve never get any, which is true, right after I graduated, I solely go to work, and so on and so on and so on, until I am here.

I will take some online courses just to make my brain healthy and not let it shrinks 😀 and for my (other) preparation too, my husband calls it Investing on yourself.

At first I was so afraid for having a sabbatical, and I questioned myself,  will I stressed? Will I feel bored to death? Because, you know, get your arse out of routine somehow felt scary. I then talked with my husband that I can do the juggling without give up my job, but umm… I believe I sounded unsure when I talked to him 😀 , then he said that the juggling now is different, it is too much, there are additional responsibilities and if I bite more than I can chew, that’ll bad for my sanity. He then helps me creating goals for my sabbatical and encouraging me to be a writer, which is my dream since I was little, the dream that’s been buried for a long time, but he dug it, and bring it back to me.

This morning I had my tea, and have my heart feel blessed, for having a Man that always support and believe me more than I believe myself, and I never thank him enough for it. Ich liebe dich, mein Mann :*


hari ini Chester Bennington took his own life, his death is all over the internet, and some says that this was because of depression.

I was a kind of person that didn’t believe in such thing, I mean, Suicide? really? and… depression? I was a kind of person that always thinking that everything has its way out, there’s no way to feel depressed or such, besides, I don’t dare to hurt myself, suicide must be really painful and I don’t want to feel hurt.

but again, that was me, until I had a dream about me being depressed and I decide to take my life. I wasn’t afraid about the process and the pain of suicide, I was only thinking about how to end the feeling of the depression, because I couldn’t handle it anymore, and the answer is suicide. when I woke up, I felt a really weird feeling, that I am afraid if one day I’ll really have that feeling : Depression. this is serious thing, and no one deserves to be depressed.

we’ll always love you, Chester, thank you for helping me through my days with your music.


sebenernya, rasa permen ini ga terlalu asem, enak sih malah, tapi masalahnya adalah, rasa asem ini sama sekali di luar ekspektasi. Not at all.

Karena, awalnya dibilang “Nih, coklat buat kalian semua”. See? Katanya coklat, otomastis dong lidah udah siap-siap nampung rasa manis-manis agak pahit khas coklat, kemudian Muti (temen les gue), dengan sigap langsung memangsa hal yang katanya coklat tersebut, yang tiga detik kemudian, dia pasang tampang asem….. Bukan… bukan mukanya jadi asem, tapi ekspresi orang yg unexpectedly makan makanan asem, semacam dikasih kuis dadakan, hati ini belum siap. wkwkwkw


akhirnya gue coba juga, ternyata asem beneran, meski enak, tapi asem. Ini. bukan. Coklat.

Turns out ini adalah permen buah… yg rasanya asem.

Pesan moral: Kalau mau bawa oleh-oleh. Hendaknya dicek dulu nama barangnya. Hehe 😀 (dari si cirin yg dikasih oleh-oleh bukannya bilang makasih, tapi malah nawar)


Lagi bingung banget beresin rumah, sempet kepikiran bahwa nanti mau rumah sebesar apapun, barang bakal numpuk.

Tapi at least gue mesti beres-beres dooong, sampai akhirnya ngeh bahwa hal yg paling berserakan adalah buku. Buku yang terlalu disayang, meski udah dibaca tetep dipajang, dalam sebulan bisa beli beberapa buku, ada yg beneran dibaca, ada yg dilupain juga, sampe pas lagi iseng nyari buku baru sadar kalau “Wah gue punya buku ini ya!”

2 tahun lalu gue dan suami beli Kindle, dengan alasan kalau pergi kemana-mana ga akan bingung bawa buku apa, tinggal bawa kindle, and Voala, semua buku ada di sana. Tapi penyakit lama masih kambuh, kalau pergi ke toko buku, masih aja pengen beli buku Fisik, “karna lebih berasa” kata orang-orang ya. Buat gue, bukan “karna lebih berasa” sih, tapi karna enak dipajang dan bagus aja gitu keliatannya rak buku penuh, sampai akhirnya our little apartment penuh sama buku, dan kemudian kami memutuskan untuk lebih memaksimalkan Kindle/e-book reader ini, mulai beli buku elektronik aja kalau bisa, kecuali hal-hal collectible seperti Harry Potter edisi Khusus, and such and such. Kindle udah cukup ngasih fasilitas baca buku yang oke banget sih buat kami berdua, kecuali buat baca buku-buku technical, Kindle masih kurang oke sih, nah buat baca buku technical, bisa diakali dengan baca di Tablet aja 😀 makannya kami mau pindah ke e-book reader, Fully… (semoga beneran dikerjain ya, meski godaan beli buku fisik pasti ada),

Terus gimana sama buku-buku fisik yang sekarang?

Rencananya buku-buku mau di filter, mana yg kita mau tetep simpen, dan mana yg mau dikasihin, kebanyakan buku-buku technical punya suami bakal dihibahkan ke yg lebih membutuhkan, buku-buku Pm-ing/ BA-ing sepertinya mau gue hibahkan ke kantor gue saat ini  (mudah-mudahan berguna)