protinus

ayow, I’ve finished the online course I enrolled a month ago! yeay! it’s actually just google data analytics certification, I know it’s not a big deal (as it is really basic anyway) but I can say that I’m happy with it, I mean, look, I didn’t quit and use the “I’m bored” card excuse. Anyhow, finishing this course giving me courage to go back to code, so my other milestone during this quarantine is to sharpen up my coding skill. yeah, I’m gonna use python since it’s a kinda languange that have a place in my heart. haha

and I just love the visual studio code, i know, python lovers probably gonna say “Just use pycharm”, well, probably later if I start to see the need to do so, for now, I’m still happy with VS code, and oh I’ve been using github to record my progress, it’s kinda nice by the way, to have a github page and actually fill it with my code even though it’s just for learning phase.

ah, in the GDA course, i learned how to use R, it’s interesting, though I still haven’t memorize all the syntax and kinda still confused and mixed it up with python and get a lot of error code. ha!

so, me? back to coding? it’s a little bit bizzare for me to do this since if we backtrack to my career, I’ve never have “Coding” in my Job description, on contrary, I love doing it, I just…. suck at it? so O have no confidence to apply as an Engineer. but now I have literally plenty of time to learn, so I choose to go back to code.

hopefully I won’t do it halfway (fingers crossed)

querulus

belakangan makin ga tenang (elah)

on a serious note, keadaan pandemi di sini udah di tahap mengerikan, sih. angkanya makin meningkat, masyarakatnya pada gapeduli juga, keliatannya. vaksin ya yg dapet aja. ingin hati dapet pfizer, apa daya dapetnya… ya gitu lah. lebih sebel sama orang-orang yg masih termakan sama teori konspirasi, alih-alih mencari kebenaran, orang-orang ini nampaknya cuman mau denger apa yg mereka mau denger. maunya pandemi selesai aja dengan sendirinya tanpa usaha apa-apa.

apalah gue bisanya misuh-misuh aja. mau ikut educate? me? yeah, no. gue punya stok kesabaran ga sebanyak itu, lah. gue pun sekarang gasuka nulis opini, bahkan di twitter. ga berani aja, gitu. takut kesannya ngajak orang berantem, padahal ga ada follower juga. kocak.

sedih gitu sekarang mesjid deket tempat gue tinggal makin sering mengumumkan orang meninggal, sedih sekarang kalau liat postingan temen di instagram, isinya minta doa cepet sembuh, bahkan ada yg cari donor plasma darah buat orang yg disayang yg mengidap covid19, sedih dapet kabar bahwa dua ponakan gue pun positif covid19.

despite all of that.… masih aja ada orang yang bilang “covid19 itu ga ada”

progress?

actually, my progress in learning quite ok, honestly i surprised that i can come through the “boring” phase and keep going at least untill today. i usually bored when it comes to things that tidious and not makes money (ha!), well, i can feel bored even if it makes me money, but i will drag my a** off to finish the job, cause, you know? responsibility.

i honestly quite enjoy the process and love seeing the progress i’ve been making (for the last few days. lol). well, i finished a few assignments faster than timeframe given by a lot. technically the subjects still easy for me, who knows when it gets harder, how fast will i finish the problem? it doesn’t matter, what’s matter is i’ll finish this for sure.

in this point i think i a super lazy person if im not learning anything, since i have everything that i need: time, source, the kind superb expert sir that will answer every questions given by me with almost unlimited amount of patience, and the tools. i know, right? im in the literal heaven for learning things (for tech, finance, and math related)

so what’s next? do i want to go back to work?

i don’t know, i just don’t want my skill to get rusty, i dont want to see myself grow stupid over time, i dont want to be confuse everytime i have conversation with friends in which they are working in the tech industry. i have to keep updated with the latest technology, and continuesly gain skills, doesn’t matter if i will use it to make money or not. i just want to see myself not as a stupid person, but as a person whom at least has something to proud of.

i always hard on myself. sometimes i feel insecure over a petty reason, everyone have this phase, i think.

minerva

well, hello again.

im trying to regularly writing in this blog to record what i’ve been into or doing nowadays. basically to push me to doing things and let myself to grow as a person/human being and learn things that allow me to be a better me. simple, right?

so, what’s up, rin? well, things was on paused for a few months, been really unmotivated to do anything really, i didnt even have any will to read or playing games which are my favorites escape worlds. didnt and still dont know the reason, by the way. probably my body and mind just needed to shut down for a while to freshened up so i that i can function properly, but now im on my motivated-goal-driven self again and ready to do and enjoy the process to obtain certain skills that’s been bugging my mind for a while.

i really need to finish this. what i have to do is to do it with my own pace, and take a break in case things started to feel a bit overwhelming, umm oh bored is not an excuse to skip the process and quit is definitely not an option. remember, i can allow myself to take break, but not to quit.

confundo

halo 2021 dan masih dalam pandemi virus sars-cov-2

this pandemic probably change my perspective to human race in general. haha. paan sih, sok iya aja ini.

karena punya telalu banyak waktu luang, jadi sering berselancar di t****e* dan ternyata whoa, netizen di sana kalau beropini kuat sekali ya walaupun salah. awalnya seru aja liatnya semacam hiburan, lama-lama ga lucu juga.

“tolong budayakan membaca”

pengen banget ngomong gitu, sumber beritanya mereka itu dong… konon dari social messaging app aja gitu, kalau jaman dulu mah dapet selebaran berantai. ini sekarang informasi gampang kesebar, jangan segala informasi di-amini dan diyakini, dong. jangan males cek sumber, berbagai sumber kalau bisa. 

apa sekarang orang makin males baca, ya? (lah dianya sendiri generalisir) maksudnya kebanyakan liat orang-orang itu ngomong sesuatu itu bersumber dari video (katakanlah) abc, yang sebenernya gatau juga siapa yg unggah, dan voila tentu saja disebar ke group di salah satu messaging app yg mereka punya.

marcato

o heayow

how do you guys coping?

everyone has different coping mechanisms, I guess

me? I think I’m doin alright, so far. I read more books, and learn a few things that had been procrastinated quite a while, finally have time (strong will) and energy to do it.

people might think that I am a really social person, the truth is, I struggle with any(or every) situation that needs a large range of social skills. I won’t say that I’m a socially awkward person, I do alright with socializing, I can talk, and think I have quite a decent sense of humor, I understand social cues, I can read the room, but it really exhausts me to be around many people for a long period of time.

and no, babe, I’m not an Introvert.

it just, uhm… how should I put this right… as I’m getting older, I treasure my time more and more, and no more obligatory social activity. no thanks.

well,

I like my me time, but I would like to take my alone activity outdoors without a mask, please.

I wish all the microbiologist have all the support they need to make the vaccine that can make the situation be much better, I hope that many people will come to theirs senses and take physical distancing seriously, 

oh, please use mask.

Oh, and please don’t be a f-in a** by keep going on vacay and partying… please. you can update your instagram content later when this harsh situation gets better, okay? 

weird

well hello again after a really long time
today is August 8th 2020, and it’s kinda weird time to live, I mean 2020 in general. we’re in the middle of covid-19 pandemic, seriously, a pandemic, I won’t explain it in detail about the pandemic, not that I perfectly understand it anyway, well, just do yourself a favor and read articles about it, and please read it from multiple sources, make sure you read the legitimate paper or unbiased article. I know it’s hard, I myself still digging it through by the way, like a maniac. I read articles and sometimes public paper which I barely understand, hey I don’t have any medical degree background to back me up to understand those stuff. well. I eager to learn it and I don’t want to be really foolishly fooled because of my ignorance about what’s happening, so…

it’s weird.
I keep telling my mom to stay calm and collected and try to live her life like usual, but with precaution of course. I tell my friends to not to take it like heavily, we only need to keep alert,not too vigilant, but aware of our surrounding. I keep telling everyone I know to chin up and hope for the best.

If I can tell them honestly what I’ve been feeling these days, it feels like living in a constant danger, I miss my mom like crazy, but I can’t meet her because I’m living in Jakarta, which has the most cases of covid-19. I feel like my days are numbered. If I talk about this to an actual person, they just probably say that I’m overstressed, I’m panicking, and those kinda stuff

it’s weird
in this hard time, I feel like I see the worst in a lot of people.

“is it a movie? or am I just having a long nightmare?
it’s happening, it’s real, get up and collect yourself.”

that’s pretty much the repeated dialogue every time I open a news site to check on the updated number of covid-19 case in the country

I see that a lot of people have quite a bold coping mechanism regarding this situation. and me? I don’t know how to cope with this. with confusion? denial? acceptance? hope? skeptic?

people say that it’s better to see it in a realistic way. but how? I don’t have enough knowledge to see it realistically, I mean, I don’t know

update

yep,
udah lebih dari setaun ga ngantor, so how does it feel? sesungguhnya pewe banget sih, sempet kangen kemarin-kemarin, tapi setelah hit the sudirman road on the weekday while the sun still up, owh Mannnnnn, I was like “this is 1/16 of the reason i just want to call it quit”

next.

masih inget sama cita-cita jadi penulis, I tried, I swear, tapi gila mentoknya ga kira-kira, kebiasaan waktu kerja, udah ada to-do list apa aja yan harus di-research, apa aja yg harus dikerjain, keliatan masalah yg bakalan dihadapin apaan, udah bisa prediksi konflik di kantor kira-kira gimana.

dulu sempet bilang bahwa penghalang gabisa nulis panjang adalah list kerjaan yang super demanding, tapi setelah resign, ternyata masih mentok juga. sh*t

eins

So I was having a really different routine lately, not going to office any longer, but went to eine Sprachkurs instead. It was fun, I’ve met a lotta different and exciting people, and too, they were kind. Loving them so much, a few people will fly to Deutschland first than another, but we’re still keeping in touch, because we’re friends, even without us knowing. I don’t realise myself that I slightly attached with each of them , I was like… wow we’re friends! woof woof!

Thank you, Freunde! Will miss you a lot, please please stay in touch,

you guys are amazing!

(not a) Vampire

Hampir tiga bulan pengangguran! Never thought I’ll enjoy it this much. Beneran gak pernah merasa bosen, karna tetep ada kegiatan sih, macam les, nulis, dll.

Gak berangkat ke kantor somehow bikin kangen, kangen meeting, kangen tenggelam di dunia IT Jakarta yang gosipnya banyak banget, kangen merindukan makan siang, kangen gak perlu mikirin apa yang harus dilakukan hari ini, karna kalau lagi kerja, permasalahannya ada banyak, thus made me thinking of what should I do for tomorrow, jadi gak pernah bingung harus ngapain untuk membangun diri sendiri, kangen juga sama jalan Sudirman yang macet parah.

Belajar menulis bukan hal yang mudah, apalagi komitmen untuk menulis cerita panjang, kyaaaaaa, hal tersulit di sini adalah disiplin, disiplin, dan disiplin. Belum lagi punya suami yang juga doyan baca, rasanya jadi minder kalau tulisan di review, hehe. Lama banget gak nulis, somehow jadi mulai lagi dari awal untuk mengumpulkan Mojo yang sempet terlupa, so wish me luck. 

Anyway, kemarin waktu di Goethe, ada anak Goethe (yah lupa namanya) yang nanyain ke diriku dong “Cici Masih SMA atau udah Kuliah?”

I know right!

I look a lot younger than the actual anak Kuliah jaman sekarang (lah PD). hahaha I was thanking her for the compliment, and then I hugged her.

Kemudian ngobrol lah sama suami, I was so proud saying that I look so young and made me curious if I’m a Vampire that never gets old! Eh kamudian suami bilang gini:

“Emang ada Vampir yang Ndut?”