gulp

halo dari saya yang abis jajan impulsive sekali bulan ini.

I sometimes pretty judgmental toward people who spend to many unessential and luxury stuff. and the fact that I bought something that kinda unnecessarily expensive (for me) makes me feel guilty (till this time). But if I am about to use that stuff for many-many years, it’s not that expensive. really. that fact is that I need to buy that stuff since the stuff that I have for the last 8 years has been detoriated and levas crumbs in my bag. literal crumbs. so I thought to buy a new one and a better quality since I will not buy another one in I dont know… 10 years? because it’s a hassle for me to buy that kinda stuff, and I am not into fashion. so… functional it is

but… I also want something that is pretty to my eyes, and if I’m gonna throw quite a number for that stuff…. I need to like it, correct? soooo… yeah, it’s kinda the most expensive essential stuff that I bought this month, and I needed to convince mysefl that I deserved to have it

I’m so judgy toward people, and I am toward myself. But I dont want to do that anymore. so I am gonna free myself from this gulity feeling and say….

It’s okay to buy expensive thing once in a while and use it well.

bitte

can we alll still be friends even without hanging out together? I mean, let’s keep the hangout part as minimum as possible, covid-19 asiide, it’s a little bit uneasy for me to meet people. well, since the pandemic started, I barely hanging out with my friends, and I always (I mean, ALWAYS) said no when they asked me to hangout with them.

and I guess it takes toll on my sociall ability? I’d like to talk to you in phone call, or video call… feel free to chat with me like anytime of the day, even I sometimes will response you maddeningly slow. it’s just, I dont know if I have the guts to talk with a large group

yea, it definetily affects my social ability

chaotic

bagi yg engga tahu dan mau peduli tentang hobby gue akhir-akhir ini (bodo amat meski ga ada yang peduli juga), gue lagi suka foto2 mainan, persisnya adalah action figures, udah sekitar dari 2019 mulai rajin, eh kemudian mogok gara2 pandemik, iya ga ada hubungannya, tapi gatau kenapa jadi mager aja. namun kemarin-kemaren gue mencoba untuk mulai rutin foto2 mainan lagi. nah anak baru ini belagu aja gitu coba foto 10 mainan sekaligus dengan backdrop seadanya a.k.a layar laptop

beginilah bentukannya

chaotic, ya? emang. cape juga lah bukain mainan satu persatu dari dusnya, terus setup posisi, tangan kiri megang lampu, tangan kanan megang kamera, mau set tripod keburu males. begitulah adanya. entaran gak mau sok-sok an foto bulk begini kalau engga minta bantuan mi husbando buat set-up this and that. maksimal 3 mainan dalam satu frame aja dulu, lah.

impersonate

ayow cirin’s reader apakabar semua? meski berdasarkan wordpress statistik mah ga ada yg baca sih. hahahahhaa

mau lanjut update tentang cirin belajar. iya. hal yang paling susah adalah buat konsisten, soalnya pas belajarnya sih lancar-lancar aja ya, untuk ngelawan bosennya itu yg uyow so hard beib. jadi, gimana? selese aja nih belajanya? ooo, tentu tidak, My mom didn’t raise me just for me being a quitter, duh. Karna gamau berhenti dan males bikin jadwal belajar, jadi apa yg saya lakukan? nyontek! iya, nyontek. jadi ngikutin jadwal belajarnya suami, karna dia hobi banget belajar.

jadi kalau dia belajar, aku ikutan belajar, kalau dia istirahat, ikutan istirahat juga. semacam mimicking apa yg dia lakukan, sih. karna dia pinternya ga kira-kira, jadi gapapa dong aku contek setidaknya pola dia belajar. hehe heh. curang? anything for the love of progress and learning new things. so far metode ini lumayan oke, loh.

studying is sooo rewarding, so im lovin every second of it! let’s hope this progress will gradually increasing exponentilally (or linear, actually i don’t really care long as there’s progress to my process)

argh

masih dalam seri cirin engga kosisten posting blog padahal harga domain-nya mayan. haha. sempet berpikir untuk lepas ajala domain ini, dipake aja jarang, tapi selalu engga jadi. hih.

so anyway, let’s talk about something, what am I gonna rant about this time? about the current pandemic? ya tidak lah, what the heck do I know about it anyway…. 😐

what are you guys into these days? me? me ? me? same old same old, playing games and reading books… and studying? yea, kinda tryin to make it more of a habit, I want to make that studying is a kind of habitual for me, I want to feel the need to do it everyday or every other day, but my lazy brain sometimes need more push, lately. my progress is kinda not really consistent and not in the pace as I want it to be. long as I don’t quit I guess

pembelaan aja, anak singkong! belajar yg rajin doooong!

memarahi diri sendiri adalah jalan ninjaku. tau nih, susah banget buat geret badan supaya belajar konsisten dikitttt aja. gue bisa seminggu belajar melulu, kemudian mager amit2, males ngapa-ngapain sampe dua minggu. I know right? ga bener emang.

belajar itu kuncinya adalah endurance, anak singkong… jangan cepet bosen.

argh. gereget ama diri sendiri gini, padahal I have a full controll of myself (ok, captain obvious!)

rant

gue orangnya ga enakan, tapi kadang bodo amat juga, tapi mostly ga enakan. kadang gue berasumsi bahwa kebanyakan makhluk hidup itu mirip gue. sering ga enakan. tapi gue salah, sih.

fenomena yg sering gue berasa gak abis pikir itu ya… di sosial media, orang itu bisa posting turut berduka cita, berasa sedih buat orang lain. and in the next post mereka posting lagi hepi-hepi nogkrong party-party, dalam rentang waktu ga sampe sejam, loh.

kerasa banget jadinya postingan tentang turut berduka cita dan walah weleh sebagainya itu hanyalah obligatory post. honetsly, i don’t have respect for that type of people. people who lacking emphaty in the time of crisis like this.

speaking of the time of crisis. gue juga males sama orang-orang yang bisanya marah-marah sama sistem dan aturan. keadaan lagi kayak gini, ya pake common sense lah, lo provilaged enough untuk wfh dan penghasilan lo gak berkurang, masih aja luntang-lantung, trus pas ada apa-apa, blame it to the thaat so called regulation. bish, common sense lah. gabisa banget nahan birahi buat pergi-pergi? lo gak kasian sama orang yg kena penyakit gara-gara mereka ga punya pilihan? ga punya hak istimewa buat kerja dari rumah?

setidaknya lo ga bisa bantu masyarakat banyak. ga usah lah nambah masalah.

protinus

ayow, I’ve finished the online course I enrolled a month ago! yeay! it’s actually just google data analytics certification, I know it’s not a big deal (as it is really basic anyway) but I can say that I’m happy with it, I mean, look, I didn’t quit and use the “I’m bored” card excuse. Anyhow, finishing this course giving me courage to go back to code, so my other milestone during this quarantine is to sharpen up my coding skill. yeah, I’m gonna use python since it’s a kinda languange that have a place in my heart. haha

and I just love the visual studio code, i know, python lovers probably gonna say “Just use pycharm”, well, probably later if I start to see the need to do so, for now, I’m still happy with VS code, and oh I’ve been using github to record my progress, it’s kinda nice by the way, to have a github page and actually fill it with my code even though it’s just for learning phase.

ah, in the GDA course, i learned how to use R, it’s interesting, though I still haven’t memorize all the syntax and kinda still confused and mixed it up with python and get a lot of error code. ha!

so, me? back to coding? it’s a little bit bizzare for me to do this since if we backtrack to my career, I’ve never have “Coding” in my Job description, on contrary, I love doing it, I just…. suck at it? so O have no confidence to apply as an Engineer. but now I have literally plenty of time to learn, so I choose to go back to code.

hopefully I won’t do it halfway (fingers crossed)

querulus

belakangan makin ga tenang (elah)

on a serious note, keadaan pandemi di sini udah di tahap mengerikan, sih. angkanya makin meningkat, masyarakatnya pada gapeduli juga, keliatannya. vaksin ya yg dapet aja. ingin hati dapet pfizer, apa daya dapetnya… ya gitu lah. lebih sebel sama orang-orang yg masih termakan sama teori konspirasi, alih-alih mencari kebenaran, orang-orang ini nampaknya cuman mau denger apa yg mereka mau denger. maunya pandemi selesai aja dengan sendirinya tanpa usaha apa-apa.

apalah gue bisanya misuh-misuh aja. mau ikut educate? me? yeah, no. gue punya stok kesabaran ga sebanyak itu, lah. gue pun sekarang gasuka nulis opini, bahkan di twitter. ga berani aja, gitu. takut kesannya ngajak orang berantem, padahal ga ada follower juga. kocak.

sedih gitu sekarang mesjid deket tempat gue tinggal makin sering mengumumkan orang meninggal, sedih sekarang kalau liat postingan temen di instagram, isinya minta doa cepet sembuh, bahkan ada yg cari donor plasma darah buat orang yg disayang yg mengidap covid19, sedih dapet kabar bahwa dua ponakan gue pun positif covid19.

despite all of that.… masih aja ada orang yang bilang “covid19 itu ga ada”

progress?

actually, my progress in learning quite ok, honestly i surprised that i can come through the “boring” phase and keep going at least untill today. i usually bored when it comes to things that tidious and not makes money (ha!), well, i can feel bored even if it makes me money, but i will drag my a** off to finish the job, cause, you know? responsibility.

i honestly quite enjoy the process and love seeing the progress i’ve been making (for the last few days. lol). well, i finished a few assignments faster than timeframe given by a lot. technically the subjects still easy for me, who knows when it gets harder, how fast will i finish the problem? it doesn’t matter, what’s matter is i’ll finish this for sure.

in this point i think i a super lazy person if im not learning anything, since i have everything that i need: time, source, the kind superb expert sir that will answer every questions given by me with almost unlimited amount of patience, and the tools. i know, right? im in the literal heaven for learning things (for tech, finance, and math related)

so what’s next? do i want to go back to work?

i don’t know, i just don’t want my skill to get rusty, i dont want to see myself grow stupid over time, i dont want to be confuse everytime i have conversation with friends in which they are working in the tech industry. i have to keep updated with the latest technology, and continuesly gain skills, doesn’t matter if i will use it to make money or not. i just want to see myself not as a stupid person, but as a person whom at least has something to proud of.

i always hard on myself. sometimes i feel insecure over a petty reason, everyone have this phase, i think.

turbidus

“tau ah, pusing. aku mau belajar aja” adalah kalimat yang gue katakan beberapa jam lalu. iya aeneran, the actual me said that, and i really did study after saying that.

kenapa sih semua orang dari semua bidang merasa harus ngoding dan merasa guranteed dapet gaji gede? gara-gara mindset semacam itu ya, bootcamp2 money blackhole banyak tercipta, menurut gue. pengennya shortcut melulu, ya gak gitu juga. kenapa ga menekuni bidang masing-masing yang bener aja dulu? kalau penasaran doang ya boleh, tapi tolong jangan gampang kemakan janji orang2 jualan janji abc sampe zzzz. tuh z nya ada empat, artinya janjinya banyak banget dan too good to be true, jangan lupa rule of thumb nya adalah “if it sounds too good to be true, it most certainly is”

kebiasaan hype-hype sih, kayak sekarang banyak coffee shop ato warung kopi yg cap harganya 20k an, ditambah palm sugar atau topping bobba, semua aja pada bikin warung kopi dengan angan-angan bakalan instan kaya-raya. trus yg suksesnya? ya mereka-mereka yang research market dengan bener, formulain resep dengan bener, cari investor dengan bener, punya koneksi yg luas. iya. ga gampang. ini applied buat hampir segala macem sih.

orang-orang punya tendensi liat enaknya aja, bikin asumsi “ah ini mah gampang”, trus baca buku “3 minggu jago bahasa jepang” dengan harapan bisa fluent kaya native. naon sih. padahal ada loh, proper way yang memang engga semudah dan secepet yg diinginkan, tapi ya kalau mau long term sepertinya harus cari jalan yang proper.

FOMO itu emang bahaya, sih.

(please mind the mix languages in a super random places, im literally just rambling right now)