progress?

actually, my progress in learning quite ok, honestly i surprised that i can come through the “boring” phase and keep going at least untill today. i usually bored when it comes to things that tidious and not makes money (ha!), well, i can feel bored even if it makes me money, but i will drag my a** off to finish the job, cause, you know? responsibility.

i honestly quite enjoy the process and love seeing the progress i’ve been making (for the last few days. lol). well, i finished a few assignments faster than timeframe given by a lot. technically the subjects still easy for me, who knows when it gets harder, how fast will i finish the problem? it doesn’t matter, what’s matter is i’ll finish this for sure.

in this point i think i a super lazy person if im not learning anything, since i have everything that i need: time, source, the kind superb expert sir that will answer every questions given by me with almost unlimited amount of patience, and the tools. i know, right? im in the literal heaven for learning things (for tech, finance, and math related)

so what’s next? do i want to go back to work?

i don’t know, i just don’t want my skill to get rusty, i dont want to see myself grow stupid over time, i dont want to be confuse everytime i have conversation with friends in which they are working in the tech industry. i have to keep updated with the latest technology, and continuesly gain skills, doesn’t matter if i will use it to make money or not. i just want to see myself not as a stupid person, but as a person whom at least has something to proud of.

i always hard on myself. sometimes i feel insecure over a petty reason, everyone have this phase, i think.

turbidus

“tau ah, pusing. aku mau belajar aja” adalah kalimat yang gue katakan beberapa jam lalu. iya aeneran, the actual me said that, and i really did study after saying that.

kenapa sih semua orang dari semua bidang merasa harus ngoding dan merasa guranteed dapet gaji gede? gara-gara mindset semacam itu ya, bootcamp2 money blackhole banyak tercipta, menurut gue. pengennya shortcut melulu, ya gak gitu juga. kenapa ga menekuni bidang masing-masing yang bener aja dulu? kalau penasaran doang ya boleh, tapi tolong jangan gampang kemakan janji orang2 jualan janji abc sampe zzzz. tuh z nya ada empat, artinya janjinya banyak banget dan too good to be true, jangan lupa rule of thumb nya adalah “if it sounds too good to be true, it most certainly is”

kebiasaan hype-hype sih, kayak sekarang banyak coffee shop ato warung kopi yg cap harganya 20k an, ditambah palm sugar atau topping bobba, semua aja pada bikin warung kopi dengan angan-angan bakalan instan kaya-raya. trus yg suksesnya? ya mereka-mereka yang research market dengan bener, formulain resep dengan bener, cari investor dengan bener, punya koneksi yg luas. iya. ga gampang. ini applied buat hampir segala macem sih.

orang-orang punya tendensi liat enaknya aja, bikin asumsi “ah ini mah gampang”, trus baca buku “3 minggu jago bahasa jepang” dengan harapan bisa fluent kaya native. naon sih. padahal ada loh, proper way yang memang engga semudah dan secepet yg diinginkan, tapi ya kalau mau long term sepertinya harus cari jalan yang proper.

FOMO itu emang bahaya, sih.

(please mind the mix languages in a super random places, im literally just rambling right now)

minerva

well, hello again.

im trying to regularly writing in this blog to record what i’ve been into or doing nowadays. basically to push me to doing things and let myself to grow as a person/human being and learn things that allow me to be a better me. simple, right?

so, what’s up, rin? well, things was on paused for a few months, been really unmotivated to do anything really, i didnt even have any will to read or playing games which are my favorites escape worlds. didnt and still dont know the reason, by the way. probably my body and mind just needed to shut down for a while to freshened up so i that i can function properly, but now im on my motivated-goal-driven self again and ready to do and enjoy the process to obtain certain skills that’s been bugging my mind for a while.

i really need to finish this. what i have to do is to do it with my own pace, and take a break in case things started to feel a bit overwhelming, umm oh bored is not an excuse to skip the process and quit is definitely not an option. remember, i can allow myself to take break, but not to quit.

confundo

halo 2021 dan masih dalam pandemi virus sars-cov-2

this pandemic probably change my perspective to human race in general. haha. paan sih, sok iya aja ini.

karena punya telalu banyak waktu luang, jadi sering berselancar di t****e* dan ternyata whoa, netizen di sana kalau beropini kuat sekali ya walaupun salah. awalnya seru aja liatnya semacam hiburan, lama-lama ga lucu juga.

“tolong budayakan membaca”

pengen banget ngomong gitu, sumber beritanya mereka itu dong… konon dari social messaging app aja gitu, kalau jaman dulu mah dapet selebaran berantai. ini sekarang informasi gampang kesebar, jangan segala informasi di-amini dan diyakini, dong. jangan males cek sumber, berbagai sumber kalau bisa. 

apa sekarang orang makin males baca, ya? (lah dianya sendiri generalisir) maksudnya kebanyakan liat orang-orang itu ngomong sesuatu itu bersumber dari video (katakanlah) abc, yang sebenernya gatau juga siapa yg unggah, dan voila tentu saja disebar ke group di salah satu messaging app yg mereka punya.

marcato

o heayow

how do you guys coping?

everyone has different coping mechanisms, I guess

me? I think I’m doin alright, so far. I read more books, and learn a few things that had been procrastinated quite a while, finally have time (strong will) and energy to do it.

people might think that I am a really social person, the truth is, I struggle with any(or every) situation that needs a large range of social skills. I won’t say that I’m a socially awkward person, I do alright with socializing, I can talk, and think I have quite a decent sense of humor, I understand social cues, I can read the room, but it really exhausts me to be around many people for a long period of time.

and no, babe, I’m not an Introvert.

it just, uhm… how should I put this right… as I’m getting older, I treasure my time more and more, and no more obligatory social activity. no thanks.

well,

I like my me time, but I would like to take my alone activity outdoors without a mask, please.

I wish all the microbiologist have all the support they need to make the vaccine that can make the situation be much better, I hope that many people will come to theirs senses and take physical distancing seriously, 

oh, please use mask.

Oh, and please don’t be a f-in a** by keep going on vacay and partying… please. you can update your instagram content later when this harsh situation gets better, okay? 

weird

well hello again after a really long time
today is August 8th 2020, and it’s kinda weird time to live, I mean 2020 in general. we’re in the middle of covid-19 pandemic, seriously, a pandemic, I won’t explain it in detail about the pandemic, not that I perfectly understand it anyway, well, just do yourself a favor and read articles about it, and please read it from multiple sources, make sure you read the legitimate paper or unbiased article. I know it’s hard, I myself still digging it through by the way, like a maniac. I read articles and sometimes public paper which I barely understand, hey I don’t have any medical degree background to back me up to understand those stuff. well. I eager to learn it and I don’t want to be really foolishly fooled because of my ignorance about what’s happening, so…

it’s weird.
I keep telling my mom to stay calm and collected and try to live her life like usual, but with precaution of course. I tell my friends to not to take it like heavily, we only need to keep alert,not too vigilant, but aware of our surrounding. I keep telling everyone I know to chin up and hope for the best.

If I can tell them honestly what I’ve been feeling these days, it feels like living in a constant danger, I miss my mom like crazy, but I can’t meet her because I’m living in Jakarta, which has the most cases of covid-19. I feel like my days are numbered. If I talk about this to an actual person, they just probably say that I’m overstressed, I’m panicking, and those kinda stuff

it’s weird
in this hard time, I feel like I see the worst in a lot of people.

“is it a movie? or am I just having a long nightmare?
it’s happening, it’s real, get up and collect yourself.”

that’s pretty much the repeated dialogue every time I open a news site to check on the updated number of covid-19 case in the country

I see that a lot of people have quite a bold coping mechanism regarding this situation. and me? I don’t know how to cope with this. with confusion? denial? acceptance? hope? skeptic?

people say that it’s better to see it in a realistic way. but how? I don’t have enough knowledge to see it realistically, I mean, I don’t know

tooth

dengan bangga menyatakan bahwa gue telah cabut satu gigi bungsu yang sudah berlubang begitu besyar! cabut giginya 2 minggu lalu sih (seminggu lebih lah), cuman nulisnya baru berani sekarang karena kemarin baru cabut jahitan, dan karna gue manusianya paranoid, jadi ga mao nulis apa-apa sampe dinyatakan kelar udah porses semua (grammar woy!)

dulu liat temen-temen yang operasi gigi bungsu dan melihat pipi mereka segede apaan pas ngantor, membuat gue berasa serem buat operasi gigi.

sakit gak? sembuhnya lama gak? takut obat biusnya ga mempan, nanti gimana?

begitulah kira-kira drama yang ada di kepala ini sebelum operasi (bahkan sebelum memutuskan untuk operasi gigi), tapi kata dokter gigi kesayangan, ini gigi bungsu lubangnya udah hih banget, jadi mesti dibuang.

curhatlah gue sama suami, dan dia bilang juga sama papa dan mama mertua mengenai kegalauan  (yang gak penting ini) tentang megihlaskan gigi ini untuk pergi, akhirnya gue direkomendasiin untuk operasi gigi oleh prof.setyo, jadi prof.setyo ini temen papa mertua, dan papa mertua percaya banget sama beliau, dan kata suami pun, dulu pas cabut gigi bungsu itu cepet banget, palingan 5 menit, dan gak bengkak, turns out adek ipar juga cabut gigi sama prof. setyo dan waktu dia abis cabut gigi, sorenya sung maen bola

sounds too good to be true, kan? akhirnya berbekal hasil rontgen gigi,  berangkatlah gue ke RS buat ketemu prof.setyo

ramah banget dong, gigi  yang banyak tambalan ini ga dikomen sama sekali, fokus ke pokok permasalahan aja, enyahkan gigi bungsu yg udah gabisa dibenerin lagi!

gue bilang ke prof bahwa gue tegang, trus kata prof nya jangan tegang (yaeyalah), eh trus doi intermezo dengan bilang, “Papa nya suka minuman mirinda ya? anaknya jadi dikasih nama Rininda”

trimakasih prof, saya jadi tahu bahwa jaman dulu ada merek minuman yang namanya mirinda.

oke lanjut.

akhirnya gue membuka mulut sebesar mungkin, maksudnya biar prof leluasa gitu ngutek-ngutek gigi gue, taunya beliau bilang “Mangapnya jangan gede-gede, agak tutup sedikit ya”

oke sip, tahap awal aja diri ini udah berlebihan

ini muka ditutupin kain semuka-muka yang cuman dikasih lubang di bagian mulut ya btw, jadi gue ga liat apa-apa, which is better buat manusia paranoid dan overly dramatic macam gue ini.

trus gusi gue disuntik. gak sakit ternyata

eh kemudian  kerasa pas adegan gusi  disayat, gak sakit loh ya, cuman aware aja (semua kegiatan yg gue bilang ini hanyalah kemungkinan, karna inget gaes, gue gak liat apa-apa, cuma kira-kira aja), trus gigi yg mo dicabut digoyang-goyang, tek tek tek tek, trus prof bilang “udah ya, tinggal dijahit”

trus dijahit.

HAH, UDAH?

EMPAT MENIT DOANG INI SIH

lebih lama nunggu dipanggil masuk ke ruangan daripada proses operasinya. trus gue disuruh gigit kassa steril 20 menit, dan dikasih kassa steril cadangan buat ganti (gue gigit kasssa sekitar sejam keknya), trus dikasih instruksi do and don’t(s) nya gitu. biar paham apa aja yang boleh dan tidak boleh gue lakukan yes.

efek obat bius membuat  pengen bobo seharian, tapi gue tiba-tiba drama karna teringat: LOH KOK GUE GA DIKASIH OBAT APA-APA?!

di rumah jadinya galau—dramatis— abis, berandai-andai kalau sakit gimana? harus minum obat apa? trus lari ke apotek terdekat buat beli obat kumur betadine sama minosep —berlebihan lagi— (meski belum boleh kumur-kumur)

itu seharian ga nyaman banget, suka ada darah gitu, tapi karna ga boleh ngeludah kenceng, jadi ya kebanyakan telen aja. HAHAHAHAHA. malemnya gue laper, tapi gaboleh dipake ngunyah kan? dan karna paranoid,  gue minta suami untuk bawain silky pudding buat makan

besoknya sudah merasa super lebih baik, engga ada darah lagi, tapi  masih takut ngunyah, jadi gue beli bubur, udah nanya ke temen yg punya pengalaman sama, dan katanya biar aman, sekitar 3/4 hari pertama makan bubur aja.

sebagai tukang makan, ini nyiksa banget sumpah! gue demam dong, trus nelfon suami sambil bilang “Kayaknya aku infeksi” karna masih demam, padahal udah minum mefinal,

suami tanya-tanya udah makan apa aja hari itu, trus gue jawab “cuman makan bubur”

eh si ganteng malah ketawa-ketawa dong

next.

suami pulang ke rumah, gue masih demam dan drama, juga masih mikir kena infeksi, ditambah adegan nangis “AKU LAPERRRRRRR”

gue pikir suami bakal ngusapin, taunya malah ngetawain

tau gak tau gak? ternyata bukan infeksi loh. itu gue kelaperan aja. kok tau kelaperan doang? karna suami maksa gue untuk makan nasi malem itu, kita pesen makan, dan gue ngunyah di gigi bagian kanan, (biar aman), trus pas selesai makan, voala, demam ilang gitu aja.

tukang makan emang gabisa cuman makan bubur doang.

singkat cerita, proses cabut gigi ini diluar dugaan. gak lama, gak sakit, dan gak bengkak. and i was like, sejago ini ya prof setyo (hands down to you, mastah!)

gue super bersyukur i was handled by the best dentist ever!!!

pas diambil jahitannya gimana? ya Tuhan itu cuman 5 detik ! ini gue gak berlebihan, ini bener-bener baru mangap bentar trus disuruh tutup lagi!

so. yay! udah selesai drama gue dengan gigi bungsu kiri atas!!!

tengkyu prof setyo!

tengkyu papa mertua!

tengkyu suami yang sangat sabar menghadapi drama gak penting sambil ngetawain gue tentu saja, dan sambil video in semua kekonyolan ajaib istrimu ini. kiss kiss kiss kiss! you’re da real MVP

so, i was scared for nothing! haha

sanity

sedari kecil udah suka banget sama jepang, iya, gara kartun-kartun hari minggu yang tayang mulai sekitar jam 06.00 wib kemudian lanjut maraton sampe jam 10.30 wib.

kecintaan sama jepang juga didukung oleh komik-komik yang dikonsumsi dari kecil, tentu saja doraemon adalah pelaku utama yang menenggelamkan diri ini sampe hampir ke dasar lautan per-wibu-an

nah, sekarang, bukannya makin menjauh, tapi malah makin suka sama anime jepang, sekarang itu mulai agak males nonton, lebih milih baca light novel aja (kalau udah ada transalasinya)

hobi baca light novel jepang sebenernya agak nyebelin, bukan apa-apa ya, tapi ya harganya masih mahal (lebih-kurang 7 USD per buku, seringnya lebih), satu buku berasa kurang tebel (ya namanya juga  light novel),  satu seri bisa belasan buku loh. hih. udah gitu kadang nunggu translasinya juga lama, kalau ga sabar, bisa sih cari gratisan baca yang fans translation, tapi ya namanya translasi gak komersil, jadinya kurang enak dibaca. (hamba gak punya kekuatan apa-apa nih tanpa kemampuan berbahasa jepang)

lalu kenapa balik lagi ke jepang-jepang-an?

setelah resign, kegiatan memilih hiburan buat ngisi waktu itu cukup luang, tontonan buat orang dewasa itu banyak sebenernya, tapi entah kenapa berasa membosankan (?), coba cek drama korea… ternyata sekarang udah gak kuat nonton yang super cheesy seperti demikian

terus akhirnya iseng  nonton ‘erased’, anime jepang yg  di Netflix lagi termasuk pada kategori ‘recently added’ dan juga ‘recommended’.

ternyata bagus banget. nangis dong! (atau gue-nya aja cengen sih)

sejak saat itu jadi sering scrolling di section anime Netflix, eh terus nemu ‘classroom of the elite’, gue pun nonton semua yang tersedia, dan ternyata belum tamat.

you know tat feeling kan? penasaran. kzl.

terus ceritalah gue ke temen mengenai anime ini, trus dia cerita bahwa ‘classroom of the elite’ adalah adaptasi dari web novel yang jadi light novel, dan dia kasih link web novelnya juga dong.

yes, dari situlah hobi baca light novel dimulai. gara-gara tau web novel, jadinya malah cari-cari light novel yang bagus. kenapa milih baca light novel ketimbang web novel? ya karna translalsinya niat, jadi udah enak banget dibaca

so, sekarang hiburan ultimate gue adalah game (berbagai console, gue bukan fanatik sama satu console ya), anime, dan light novel. it feels good.

setiap lagi melakukan kegiatan di atas, gue merasa kabur dari dunia nyata, dan tenggelam di lautan imaji para mangaka. sesungguhnya buat gue ini mirip dengan terapi untuk mempertahankan sanity sih.

surreal

do you know that in 19th century Ireland there was a superstitious in which a ‘fairy’ could kidnap your loved one and swapped it with a changeling? Changeling was believed as a ‘fairy child’  that had been left in a human world to replace a stolen human. The folklore said that the sign of changeling might be a sudden change in your loved one behaviour. Do you know what’s more interesting? The ‘fairy’ might interested with human child and women only. 

it sounds ridiculous for now, but it was a serious event back then. There was a woman named Bridget Clarry, she was murdered by her own husband, Michael Cleary , who really (heavily) believed in ‘Changeling’. He thought the signs was all there, her behaviour change, and she suddenly diseased  (she was having bronchitis for God sake!), and Voila, she’s dead by the hand of her own husband.

source: wikipedia, fathersonholygore 

and why suddenly an ignorant me mumbling about this?

Well, I watched Lore – Season 1, episode 3 : Black Stocking’ (you can watch it in Amazon Prime video, btw) and it  left me speechless

from that episode, I learned that human somehow have difficulty of saying ‘I don’t know’. So, when something that we can’t understand ‘why’ happened, the reaction will probably be : “it is the Devil’s work”.

how easily us, as a human being, refer almost everything that we can’t understand as something that is called superstitious?

the Changeling is one of many extreme superstitious example that had taken casualties. There were times that human screaming/marching for another human being to be burned down to ashes, remember the witch hunt or witch purge in an early modern Europe times ?

or let’s be more local by taking an Indonesian case. ‘The slaughter of Banyuwangi 1998’ or ‘kasus pembantaian di Banyuwangi 1998’ (here, to read the full story: pembantaian Banyuwangi 1998 ), well the cause was still a mystery.

dang it, what the heaven Im tryin to say?

just…. fellow human being, the universe is a very superbly massive big thing, so it’s OK if we say that we don’t know everything, just accept it, it’s a step to comprehend something beyond our current knowledge, to say that we still need time to learn about many things, to contribute a little piece of something in this big thing, instead of blame it to something that’s even more confusing.

erste

Nintendo 3DS XL Super Smash Bros edition adalah console pertama yang gue punya dan beli sendiri. Hehe

sedari kecil sesungguhnya suka main game, tapi karna saat itu keadaan finansial orangtua belum bagus, dan console pada adalah kebutuhan yang super tersier, jadi ya gak dibeliin. Sedih? Engga lah, gue tumbuh dan dibesarkan di lingkungan yang memiliki kecenderungan untuk make the most of what we have, jadinya hepi-hepi aja, lagipula saat itu masih anak-anak, man, I have a lotta activities other than that. Kebetulan ketika masih kecil, kata Mamah-Papah, gue adalah anak yang hiperaktif, jadi ya……

Oke lanjut

Beli 3DS ini bisa terwujud karna kerja di Start up IT consultant  yang saat itu lagi tenar2nya, selain ada peningatan pemasukan (iyalah), pergaulan gue pun mulai terbentuk, berteman dengan manusia-manusia yang lebih menyukai hal lain selain interaksi sosial, sukanya kerja, atau baca atau main game atau apapun asal bukan interaksi sosial.

Jadi, kami (self-proclaimed), suka bersosialisasi dengan kondisi: topiknya ga jauh dari a) Perkembangan Teknologi, b) gosip seputar IT-Start up, c) kerjaan, d) anime, e) manga, f) becandaan receh, g) game (all-about) dan ngobrolnya gak lama2, jadi kita ga invade privasi masing2 (sesungguhnya ini asumsi gue pribadi sih)

Nah poin g* terjadi ketika temen main ‘Bravely default’ di kantor, dan gue pun dengan bangke nya menggangu dia sambil bilang “boleh minjem ga?”

Untung orangnya baek, wkwkkw, dipinjemin. I was like (daaang, this is awesome!), long story short gue tergoda untuk menghamburkan gaji buat beli console yang super adiktif  ini.

Ngobrol lah gue sama pacar (yang sekarang jadi suami tersayang mwah mwah), diapun mendukung buet beli console, tapi dia bilang survey harga aja dulu, nah kita sempet survey ke berbagai tempat setelah ngobrol-ngobrol tentang beli 3DS, trus gue ke-hooked ama Drakuli, yang sekarang menjadi toko game paporit diriku numero uno.

Seperti biasa, gue engga sabaran kebanyakan napsu, jadilah gue beli 3DS ga nunggu lama-lama. Game pertama gue adalah “The legend of Zelda: A Link between worlds”, suami kesayangan lah yang rekomen, and that was the best recommendation ever, as we all know, Zelda game adalah game terkeren sepanjang masa (at least for me personally). Maacim lagi mein Mann… ich liebe dich

Apalah gue tanpa dia kannnn

Suami ngetawain banget sih saat itu, soalnya gue sempet bilang “Belinya nanti aja, bulan depan” taunya napsu ambil alih diri ini (seperti biasanya), makannya pas kemarin ada hasrat beli 2DS XL, dia yakin juga gue ga akan bisa nunggu sebulan. Hehe hehe hehe