rant

gue orangnya ga enakan, tapi kadang bodo amat juga, tapi mostly ga enakan. kadang gue berasumsi bahwa kebanyakan makhluk hidup itu mirip gue. sering ga enakan. tapi gue salah, sih.

fenomena yg sering gue berasa gak abis pikir itu ya… di sosial media, orang itu bisa posting turut berduka cita, berasa sedih buat orang lain. and in the next post mereka posting lagi hepi-hepi nogkrong party-party, dalam rentang waktu ga sampe sejam, loh.

kerasa banget jadinya postingan tentang turut berduka cita dan walah weleh sebagainya itu hanyalah obligatory post. honetsly, i don’t have respect for that type of people. people who lacking emphaty in the time of crisis like this.

speaking of the time of crisis. gue juga males sama orang-orang yang bisanya marah-marah sama sistem dan aturan. keadaan lagi kayak gini, ya pake common sense lah, lo provilaged enough untuk wfh dan penghasilan lo gak berkurang, masih aja luntang-lantung, trus pas ada apa-apa, blame it to the thaat so called regulation. bish, common sense lah. gabisa banget nahan birahi buat pergi-pergi? lo gak kasian sama orang yg kena penyakit gara-gara mereka ga punya pilihan? ga punya hak istimewa buat kerja dari rumah?

setidaknya lo ga bisa bantu masyarakat banyak. ga usah lah nambah masalah.

protinus

ayow, I’ve finished the online course I enrolled a month ago! yeay! it’s actually just google data analytics certification, I know it’s not a big deal (as it is really basic anyway) but I can say that I’m happy with it, I mean, look, I didn’t quit and use the “I’m bored” card excuse. Anyhow, finishing this course giving me courage to go back to code, so my other milestone during this quarantine is to sharpen up my coding skill. yeah, I’m gonna use python since it’s a kinda languange that have a place in my heart. haha

and I just love the visual studio code, i know, python lovers probably gonna say “Just use pycharm”, well, probably later if I start to see the need to do so, for now, I’m still happy with VS code, and oh I’ve been using github to record my progress, it’s kinda nice by the way, to have a github page and actually fill it with my code even though it’s just for learning phase.

ah, in the GDA course, i learned how to use R, it’s interesting, though I still haven’t memorize all the syntax and kinda still confused and mixed it up with python and get a lot of error code. ha!

so, me? back to coding? it’s a little bit bizzare for me to do this since if we backtrack to my career, I’ve never have “Coding” in my Job description, on contrary, I love doing it, I just…. suck at it? so O have no confidence to apply as an Engineer. but now I have literally plenty of time to learn, so I choose to go back to code.

hopefully I won’t do it halfway (fingers crossed)

querulus

belakangan makin ga tenang (elah)

on a serious note, keadaan pandemi di sini udah di tahap mengerikan, sih. angkanya makin meningkat, masyarakatnya pada gapeduli juga, keliatannya. vaksin ya yg dapet aja. ingin hati dapet pfizer, apa daya dapetnya… ya gitu lah. lebih sebel sama orang-orang yg masih termakan sama teori konspirasi, alih-alih mencari kebenaran, orang-orang ini nampaknya cuman mau denger apa yg mereka mau denger. maunya pandemi selesai aja dengan sendirinya tanpa usaha apa-apa.

apalah gue bisanya misuh-misuh aja. mau ikut educate? me? yeah, no. gue punya stok kesabaran ga sebanyak itu, lah. gue pun sekarang gasuka nulis opini, bahkan di twitter. ga berani aja, gitu. takut kesannya ngajak orang berantem, padahal ga ada follower juga. kocak.

sedih gitu sekarang mesjid deket tempat gue tinggal makin sering mengumumkan orang meninggal, sedih sekarang kalau liat postingan temen di instagram, isinya minta doa cepet sembuh, bahkan ada yg cari donor plasma darah buat orang yg disayang yg mengidap covid19, sedih dapet kabar bahwa dua ponakan gue pun positif covid19.

despite all of that.… masih aja ada orang yang bilang “covid19 itu ga ada”

progress?

actually, my progress in learning quite ok, honestly i surprised that i can come through the “boring” phase and keep going at least untill today. i usually bored when it comes to things that tidious and not makes money (ha!), well, i can feel bored even if it makes me money, but i will drag my a** off to finish the job, cause, you know? responsibility.

i honestly quite enjoy the process and love seeing the progress i’ve been making (for the last few days. lol). well, i finished a few assignments faster than timeframe given by a lot. technically the subjects still easy for me, who knows when it gets harder, how fast will i finish the problem? it doesn’t matter, what’s matter is i’ll finish this for sure.

in this point i think i a super lazy person if im not learning anything, since i have everything that i need: time, source, the kind superb expert sir that will answer every questions given by me with almost unlimited amount of patience, and the tools. i know, right? im in the literal heaven for learning things (for tech, finance, and math related)

so what’s next? do i want to go back to work?

i don’t know, i just don’t want my skill to get rusty, i dont want to see myself grow stupid over time, i dont want to be confuse everytime i have conversation with friends in which they are working in the tech industry. i have to keep updated with the latest technology, and continuesly gain skills, doesn’t matter if i will use it to make money or not. i just want to see myself not as a stupid person, but as a person whom at least has something to proud of.

i always hard on myself. sometimes i feel insecure over a petty reason, everyone have this phase, i think.

turbidus

“tau ah, pusing. aku mau belajar aja” adalah kalimat yang gue katakan beberapa jam lalu. iya aeneran, the actual me said that, and i really did study after saying that.

kenapa sih semua orang dari semua bidang merasa harus ngoding dan merasa guranteed dapet gaji gede? gara-gara mindset semacam itu ya, bootcamp2 money blackhole banyak tercipta, menurut gue. pengennya shortcut melulu, ya gak gitu juga. kenapa ga menekuni bidang masing-masing yang bener aja dulu? kalau penasaran doang ya boleh, tapi tolong jangan gampang kemakan janji orang2 jualan janji abc sampe zzzz. tuh z nya ada empat, artinya janjinya banyak banget dan too good to be true, jangan lupa rule of thumb nya adalah “if it sounds too good to be true, it most certainly is”

kebiasaan hype-hype sih, kayak sekarang banyak coffee shop ato warung kopi yg cap harganya 20k an, ditambah palm sugar atau topping bobba, semua aja pada bikin warung kopi dengan angan-angan bakalan instan kaya-raya. trus yg suksesnya? ya mereka-mereka yang research market dengan bener, formulain resep dengan bener, cari investor dengan bener, punya koneksi yg luas. iya. ga gampang. ini applied buat hampir segala macem sih.

orang-orang punya tendensi liat enaknya aja, bikin asumsi “ah ini mah gampang”, trus baca buku “3 minggu jago bahasa jepang” dengan harapan bisa fluent kaya native. naon sih. padahal ada loh, proper way yang memang engga semudah dan secepet yg diinginkan, tapi ya kalau mau long term sepertinya harus cari jalan yang proper.

FOMO itu emang bahaya, sih.

(please mind the mix languages in a super random places, im literally just rambling right now)

minerva

well, hello again.

im trying to regularly writing in this blog to record what i’ve been into or doing nowadays. basically to push me to doing things and let myself to grow as a person/human being and learn things that allow me to be a better me. simple, right?

so, what’s up, rin? well, things was on paused for a few months, been really unmotivated to do anything really, i didnt even have any will to read or playing games which are my favorites escape worlds. didnt and still dont know the reason, by the way. probably my body and mind just needed to shut down for a while to freshened up so i that i can function properly, but now im on my motivated-goal-driven self again and ready to do and enjoy the process to obtain certain skills that’s been bugging my mind for a while.

i really need to finish this. what i have to do is to do it with my own pace, and take a break in case things started to feel a bit overwhelming, umm oh bored is not an excuse to skip the process and quit is definitely not an option. remember, i can allow myself to take break, but not to quit.

confundo

halo 2021 dan masih dalam pandemi virus sars-cov-2

this pandemic probably change my perspective to human race in general. haha. paan sih, sok iya aja ini.

karena punya telalu banyak waktu luang, jadi sering berselancar di t****e* dan ternyata whoa, netizen di sana kalau beropini kuat sekali ya walaupun salah. awalnya seru aja liatnya semacam hiburan, lama-lama ga lucu juga.

“tolong budayakan membaca”

pengen banget ngomong gitu, sumber beritanya mereka itu dong… konon dari social messaging app aja gitu, kalau jaman dulu mah dapet selebaran berantai. ini sekarang informasi gampang kesebar, jangan segala informasi di-amini dan diyakini, dong. jangan males cek sumber, berbagai sumber kalau bisa. 

apa sekarang orang makin males baca, ya? (lah dianya sendiri generalisir) maksudnya kebanyakan liat orang-orang itu ngomong sesuatu itu bersumber dari video (katakanlah) abc, yang sebenernya gatau juga siapa yg unggah, dan voila tentu saja disebar ke group di salah satu messaging app yg mereka punya.

marcato

o heayow

how do you guys coping?

everyone has different coping mechanisms, I guess

me? I think I’m doin alright, so far. I read more books, and learn a few things that had been procrastinated quite a while, finally have time (strong will) and energy to do it.

people might think that I am a really social person, the truth is, I struggle with any(or every) situation that needs a large range of social skills. I won’t say that I’m a socially awkward person, I do alright with socializing, I can talk, and think I have quite a decent sense of humor, I understand social cues, I can read the room, but it really exhausts me to be around many people for a long period of time.

and no, babe, I’m not an Introvert.

it just, uhm… how should I put this right… as I’m getting older, I treasure my time more and more, and no more obligatory social activity. no thanks.

well,

I like my me time, but I would like to take my alone activity outdoors without a mask, please.

I wish all the microbiologist have all the support they need to make the vaccine that can make the situation be much better, I hope that many people will come to theirs senses and take physical distancing seriously, 

oh, please use mask.

Oh, and please don’t be a f-in a** by keep going on vacay and partying… please. you can update your instagram content later when this harsh situation gets better, okay? 

weird

well hello again after a really long time
today is August 8th 2020, and it’s kinda weird time to live, I mean 2020 in general. we’re in the middle of covid-19 pandemic, seriously, a pandemic, I won’t explain it in detail about the pandemic, not that I perfectly understand it anyway, well, just do yourself a favor and read articles about it, and please read it from multiple sources, make sure you read the legitimate paper or unbiased article. I know it’s hard, I myself still digging it through by the way, like a maniac. I read articles and sometimes public paper which I barely understand, hey I don’t have any medical degree background to back me up to understand those stuff. well. I eager to learn it and I don’t want to be really foolishly fooled because of my ignorance about what’s happening, so…

it’s weird.
I keep telling my mom to stay calm and collected and try to live her life like usual, but with precaution of course. I tell my friends to not to take it like heavily, we only need to keep alert,not too vigilant, but aware of our surrounding. I keep telling everyone I know to chin up and hope for the best.

If I can tell them honestly what I’ve been feeling these days, it feels like living in a constant danger, I miss my mom like crazy, but I can’t meet her because I’m living in Jakarta, which has the most cases of covid-19. I feel like my days are numbered. If I talk about this to an actual person, they just probably say that I’m overstressed, I’m panicking, and those kinda stuff

it’s weird
in this hard time, I feel like I see the worst in a lot of people.

“is it a movie? or am I just having a long nightmare?
it’s happening, it’s real, get up and collect yourself.”

that’s pretty much the repeated dialogue every time I open a news site to check on the updated number of covid-19 case in the country

I see that a lot of people have quite a bold coping mechanism regarding this situation. and me? I don’t know how to cope with this. with confusion? denial? acceptance? hope? skeptic?

people say that it’s better to see it in a realistic way. but how? I don’t have enough knowledge to see it realistically, I mean, I don’t know

tooth

dengan bangga menyatakan bahwa gue telah cabut satu gigi bungsu yang sudah berlubang begitu besyar! cabut giginya 2 minggu lalu sih (seminggu lebih lah), cuman nulisnya baru berani sekarang karena kemarin baru cabut jahitan, dan karna gue manusianya paranoid, jadi ga mao nulis apa-apa sampe dinyatakan kelar udah porses semua (grammar woy!)

dulu liat temen-temen yang operasi gigi bungsu dan melihat pipi mereka segede apaan pas ngantor, membuat gue berasa serem buat operasi gigi.

sakit gak? sembuhnya lama gak? takut obat biusnya ga mempan, nanti gimana?

begitulah kira-kira drama yang ada di kepala ini sebelum operasi (bahkan sebelum memutuskan untuk operasi gigi), tapi kata dokter gigi kesayangan, ini gigi bungsu lubangnya udah hih banget, jadi mesti dibuang.

curhatlah gue sama suami, dan dia bilang juga sama papa dan mama mertua mengenai kegalauan  (yang gak penting ini) tentang megihlaskan gigi ini untuk pergi, akhirnya gue direkomendasiin untuk operasi gigi oleh prof.setyo, jadi prof.setyo ini temen papa mertua, dan papa mertua percaya banget sama beliau, dan kata suami pun, dulu pas cabut gigi bungsu itu cepet banget, palingan 5 menit, dan gak bengkak, turns out adek ipar juga cabut gigi sama prof. setyo dan waktu dia abis cabut gigi, sorenya sung maen bola

sounds too good to be true, kan? akhirnya berbekal hasil rontgen gigi,  berangkatlah gue ke RS buat ketemu prof.setyo

ramah banget dong, gigi  yang banyak tambalan ini ga dikomen sama sekali, fokus ke pokok permasalahan aja, enyahkan gigi bungsu yg udah gabisa dibenerin lagi!

gue bilang ke prof bahwa gue tegang, trus kata prof nya jangan tegang (yaeyalah), eh trus doi intermezo dengan bilang, “Papa nya suka minuman mirinda ya? anaknya jadi dikasih nama Rininda”

trimakasih prof, saya jadi tahu bahwa jaman dulu ada merek minuman yang namanya mirinda.

oke lanjut.

akhirnya gue membuka mulut sebesar mungkin, maksudnya biar prof leluasa gitu ngutek-ngutek gigi gue, taunya beliau bilang “Mangapnya jangan gede-gede, agak tutup sedikit ya”

oke sip, tahap awal aja diri ini udah berlebihan

ini muka ditutupin kain semuka-muka yang cuman dikasih lubang di bagian mulut ya btw, jadi gue ga liat apa-apa, which is better buat manusia paranoid dan overly dramatic macam gue ini.

trus gusi gue disuntik. gak sakit ternyata

eh kemudian  kerasa pas adegan gusi  disayat, gak sakit loh ya, cuman aware aja (semua kegiatan yg gue bilang ini hanyalah kemungkinan, karna inget gaes, gue gak liat apa-apa, cuma kira-kira aja), trus gigi yg mo dicabut digoyang-goyang, tek tek tek tek, trus prof bilang “udah ya, tinggal dijahit”

trus dijahit.

HAH, UDAH?

EMPAT MENIT DOANG INI SIH

lebih lama nunggu dipanggil masuk ke ruangan daripada proses operasinya. trus gue disuruh gigit kassa steril 20 menit, dan dikasih kassa steril cadangan buat ganti (gue gigit kasssa sekitar sejam keknya), trus dikasih instruksi do and don’t(s) nya gitu. biar paham apa aja yang boleh dan tidak boleh gue lakukan yes.

efek obat bius membuat  pengen bobo seharian, tapi gue tiba-tiba drama karna teringat: LOH KOK GUE GA DIKASIH OBAT APA-APA?!

di rumah jadinya galau—dramatis— abis, berandai-andai kalau sakit gimana? harus minum obat apa? trus lari ke apotek terdekat buat beli obat kumur betadine sama minosep —berlebihan lagi— (meski belum boleh kumur-kumur)

itu seharian ga nyaman banget, suka ada darah gitu, tapi karna ga boleh ngeludah kenceng, jadi ya kebanyakan telen aja. HAHAHAHAHA. malemnya gue laper, tapi gaboleh dipake ngunyah kan? dan karna paranoid,  gue minta suami untuk bawain silky pudding buat makan

besoknya sudah merasa super lebih baik, engga ada darah lagi, tapi  masih takut ngunyah, jadi gue beli bubur, udah nanya ke temen yg punya pengalaman sama, dan katanya biar aman, sekitar 3/4 hari pertama makan bubur aja.

sebagai tukang makan, ini nyiksa banget sumpah! gue demam dong, trus nelfon suami sambil bilang “Kayaknya aku infeksi” karna masih demam, padahal udah minum mefinal,

suami tanya-tanya udah makan apa aja hari itu, trus gue jawab “cuman makan bubur”

eh si ganteng malah ketawa-ketawa dong

next.

suami pulang ke rumah, gue masih demam dan drama, juga masih mikir kena infeksi, ditambah adegan nangis “AKU LAPERRRRRRR”

gue pikir suami bakal ngusapin, taunya malah ngetawain

tau gak tau gak? ternyata bukan infeksi loh. itu gue kelaperan aja. kok tau kelaperan doang? karna suami maksa gue untuk makan nasi malem itu, kita pesen makan, dan gue ngunyah di gigi bagian kanan, (biar aman), trus pas selesai makan, voala, demam ilang gitu aja.

tukang makan emang gabisa cuman makan bubur doang.

singkat cerita, proses cabut gigi ini diluar dugaan. gak lama, gak sakit, dan gak bengkak. and i was like, sejago ini ya prof setyo (hands down to you, mastah!)

gue super bersyukur i was handled by the best dentist ever!!!

pas diambil jahitannya gimana? ya Tuhan itu cuman 5 detik ! ini gue gak berlebihan, ini bener-bener baru mangap bentar trus disuruh tutup lagi!

so. yay! udah selesai drama gue dengan gigi bungsu kiri atas!!!

tengkyu prof setyo!

tengkyu papa mertua!

tengkyu suami yang sangat sabar menghadapi drama gak penting sambil ngetawain gue tentu saja, dan sambil video in semua kekonyolan ajaib istrimu ini. kiss kiss kiss kiss! you’re da real MVP

so, i was scared for nothing! haha