Author / cirin

by cirin

latrare

so, here’s my two cents. My heart was shattered after I read ‘The Poppy War’ trilogy. yep, for me, those books were great, it was an epic tale with an ironicーtho, it was kinda foreshadowed repeatedly, kinda saw it’s coming, but still give me a heartacheー kinda ending. I Love it!

but it left me a lingering feeling, and if I succumbed to that feeling, I won’t be able to reach my current reading goals. trivial, I know.

So, I picked two light read rom-com novels that really popular on social media with more than 4-star rating and on deep discount that day. 

I read those two, continuously, back to back, for I believe those books will made me a better and lighter mood and made my cheek blush, butterfly in my stomach, all that jazz. or so I thought.

man, I couldn’t be more wrong.

I kept on reading those books to the end, purely because of my reading goalsーI was far behindー and kinda didn’t want to make my money wasted. but Gosh did I exasperated almost on every page I read. the plot was cheap, but that was expected, and honestly? I bought it because I need a light hearted cheap plot and just enjoy the show, but these? these two books are just too shallow. they portrayed the main female character so highly, so ‘ I’m not like the other girls ‘ trope, and visually flawless and she barely aware about her level of attractiveness, and the the male main character? oh my God, I know, I know it’s a romcom and the readers need to shown a true great swoon worthy male character, but not a flawless selfless saint creature. those two novels so cringe I couldn’t even enjoy it. I ended up feeling more uncomfortable than before.

Jeez, didn’t know I’m gonna be this irritated because of ーlet’s be honestー the things that just expected. clear as day. transparent.

I mean, it made me disappointed at myself that I managed to read and finished those two books. I must be extremely desperate to reach my reading goals, and I did, still do.

but then, I picked another book, a young adult fantasy novel. and thank goodness it was super entertaining! the writing was good, the plot was not that deep, but hey, it’s aimed for the young adult! the world building was great, the characters? did stupid things sometimes, for the plot, but it was good! the story telling so smooth that I thought I was watching a movie instead. and no, I didn’t lie. This book is also a trilogy, and I ended up finishing all of it within two days. and I’m feeling happy.

long story short, a super popular romcom novel is not always be able to lighten up one’s mood, super popular doesn’t always translate to quality.

what one’s need probably a page turner YA Fantasy. even tho the one’s reading it is not young anymore.

by cirin

debris

the same feeling lingers more than allowed, resurfaces the dim coloured echo, chasing away a glimmer sense of hope, it’s hollowed.

I don’t eat my feeling, it eats me, shatters, dematterializes the smallest existence of a will to believe, to yearn, to dream.

to every beat of the drum with no actual tempo, suffocating the lung out of me. my toes numb, my guts shaken, my head spins.

without missing a beatーa bit, a quake arrived with warnings I ignored, the cracks were formed; it’s a trophy, a reminder of what’s been endured.

a memento.

ah, the whispers become too frequent, too clear, to evaporate the agony, permeate my fear, to the slightest cheer I shear.

I stared

I’m beatenー

the unreasonable resonance starts to reason. I suppose I might call it even and summon all the ravens.

by cirin

desire

punya e-book reader (kindle) udah lebih dari sepuluh tahun, tapi tetep aja gabisa full blown digital. Masalahnya ga semua buku digital dijual resmi ke Indonesia tanah air beta ini, apalagi komik. Jadi tetep aja akhirnya akan ada buku dan komik yg cuman bisa dibeli versi cetak.

Maka dengan ini menyatakan bahwa berserakanlah buku-buku ini di rumah. Pasti ada buku di setiap sudut, di atas setiap permukaan datar, kecuali kamar mandi.

pengen beli rak buku, tapi di level ini, udah butuh ruang khusus buat nyimpen buku a.k.a perpus personal.

hey, a woman is allowed to have a dream.

by cirin

delirious

it’s sadness, it’s hopelessness, it’s everything near surrender. I’m breaking the glass of the core of my own, piece them together, then break it again just to link them back, again, on and on, repeatedly.

I don’t like what I feel and how I feel it, but I’m the one who let me feel what I feel, what I see and how I see it.

it’s peace, it’s quiet, it’s a let go. it’s not a grievance nor it’s an acceptance. an indifference that makes things don’t matter. I, don’t matter.

it’s the opposite of transcend, it’s not the left, and far from right. it’s a wishful thinking of the existence of nothingness, the null everyone refuses to believe, the stillness of an end, the soundless air so loud it’s silent.

by cirin

deceptive

life testing me once again, not to me directly, but through the most beloved person of mine. I really am willing to switch my place with him so I’ll be the one who suffer instead of him. for him, I would. In the recent chain of unfortunate events, Life showed me who really on my side, and who’s the fakest group of people who claimed to be on my side. God, they’re ruthless, like a leech, they really attempted to suck money, time, and I believe they want to suck the life out of me, if possible.

for a few months I cried, stepped away from any social media because I didn’t wish to see anything related to that group of people. What did I do wrong to them so much that they really showed me no empathy, nor compassion, just pure rudeness. they’re worst than strangers.

That moment, I knew, it’s only me and my most beloved one, Us alone.

for all this time I was always kind to them, and this is how they reciprocate for what I did? noted. I will not trust them ever again.

remember my last post about no positive side of being a kind, honest person? I still think that’s true, I’ve been stabbed left and right by cruel, heartless, unskillful people. but now I finally cut them off, and be able to write here, well at least it means my mind is no longer scattered.

and by the way, despite what I said about being a kind person, I think I still gonna try to be one, I’m not doing it for other people, I’m doing it for me, out of spite, just to proof even after what I’ve been through, I still be able to be a decent human being.

watch me.

by cirin

ritardando

I think ーlike seriouslyー I need to take a step back from all of my social media. It’s so exhausting. Most of them filled with rage bait and a lot of people ーif not botー seem easily baited. The older I get, the less the willinges there is to take a part in social media, I mostly looked at my timeline or lurked, I rarely post, and when I do, I try to make it to be as general as it can be, no detail, just big pictures.

But certainly that wasn’t enough. Looking at social media somehow showed people true colour、I guess? I could see how reactive they can be, their opinion, or when they posted something that’s tottaly untrue about themselves. It somehow disturbed me to some degree where I feel like somehow at lost by people’s train of thought.

It’s no longer entertaining, it’s draining. It’s not about connecting, it’s not about sharing ideas no more, or at least I currently believe so.

It’s probably time to go back to books, and consume social media as little as possible.

by cirin

spoiled

ok, it’s almost two weeks since I bought several physical books that were translated to Bahasa Indonesia.

to be really honest, the feeling of having physical books in my bookshelf was a nice one, but reading in one though, kinda a different story. for comic books or manga, especially in series, when I have all of them series and I want to read it in one go, I had to gather them in one place so I can continuously read it without being interrupted by searching for the next book, and for having a pile of book in my bed? that was certainly not a really comfortable thing. same with the Novel one, it was so thick and it was a kinda nuisance to read in the first 100 pages, because the imbalance of the book weight that was so stark that it was kinda annoying, and the annoyance reduce after more or less 100 pages.

so yeah, think I’m gonna stick to e-book.

by cirin

syncopation

iya, gue memaksimalkan kalau baca buku sebisa mungkin lewat kindle aja, atau minimalnya tipe ebook, walaupun lewat tablet/phone. namun terkadang ada aja buku-buku menarik yang engga ada di kindle (region di mana kita berada) atau misal ternyata versi digitalanya (ehem) lebih mahal, jadilah memutuskan untuk jajan buku fisik dengan semangat mendukung toko buku, penerbit, dan penerjemah Indonesia.

uyeh.

engga seribet itu sih jalan pikiran diri ini. cuman kangen gramed, terus ya kita ke gramed, ada yg menarik, jadilah jajan. simple.

engga juga sih, pas di gramed tadi sempet browsing dulu kalau buku yg mau dibeli apakah lebih baik beli fisik atau digital! hahahahahah, oiya buku yg gue beli ngasih pembatas buku, yang adalah sangat berguna. mengingat gue udah lama sekali engga baca buku fisik, yg artinya pembatas buku gue entah lagi nyelip di buku apa. jadi, kepada penerbit yang membuat pembatas buku menjadi bagian dalam buku, gue ucapkan terima kasih, terima kasih banget.

hari in jajan satu novel terjemahan, dan tiga komik jepang. belum dibaca satupun, karna begitu nyampe rumah, langsung main komputer dan memutuskan untuk mengabadikan kegiatan hari ini dengan menulis di blog kesayangan (karena karena pengen rajin nge-blog aja)

agak nerveous nih, masih bisa baca buku fisik engga yah, karna kebiasaan enak baca d kindle: engga takut kebasahan, engga makan space, dan bisa baca kapanpun bahkan tengah malem. menarik. ntarlah cirin review perasaan baca buku fisik setelah sekian tahun selalu baca di ebook reader.

engga penting abis. haha

hasil jajan buku d gramed

I am a fan of Yagami Chitose’s manga(s), therefore I kinda know what to expect, but I am a new reader for Higashino Keigo’s book, but I did a quick research about this particular book from the internet, and I found out that the reviews are overewhelmingly positive (like…. 5 stars!), so…. I’m thrilled.

by cirin

ostinato

jadi, seperti mayoritas khalayak makhluk hidup yg tergolong homo sapiens di 2022 ini, gue punya beberapa akun media sosial, yang lebih sering gue pake buat liat update-an temen-temen atau liat berita apa yg lagi heboh hari ini. termasuk jarang posting hal penting, bahkan opinipun jarang gue post, sih. kebanyakan nyampah aja di twitter ngomongin game atau komik, atau buku yg lagi baca, atau series yg lagi gue tonton.

kenapa-kenapa? karna gue takut kehilangan temen(?). gue menghargai cara pandang mereka yg konservatif garis keras, nah temen-temen gue yg konservatif ini seringnya posting hal-hal yg menurut mereka ini adalah fix, sahih, mutlak, udah pokoknya yang gak setuju ama mereka itu salah ga ketolongan. gue ga masalah, toh lah ya itu cara pandang temen2 gue tersayang, tapi jadinya gue hilang kepercayaan kalau mereka bisa menerima kalau ada beberapa opini mereka yg ga sama ama gue.

loh jatohnya gue yg judgemental ya?

posting apa-apa jadinya hati2 sekali, kalau kata orang barat mah “it’s like walking on eggshells”. duh jadi kangen temen2 yang sengkleknya sama, yg kalau ada beda pendapat juga bodoamataja. we still love you anyway. gitulohah

takutnya kalau gue post hal yg gue lagi suka2nya ini, disangka ngajak berantem. ini aja nih ya, gue hati2 banget ini nulis di blog sendiri takut ada yg baca. padahal kemungkinannya kecil sekali. hahahahha.

terus emang kenapa kalau mereka baca? misal temen gue baca blog post ini, dan somehow somewhat in the near future gue posting hal yg menurut kalian nyeleneh, please please don’t take it personally, and please let’s stay friends.

live long and prosper